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Monica Wofford, CSP, is a professional speaker and CEO of Contagious Companies, a training and consulting firm that develops better leaders and trains managers how to become better leaders.

Assertiveness doesn’t have to be how you lead, but it may be what they need. Have you asked them what they need?

Those who don’t speak up are not promoted into management positions as often, but it can and does happen. But how do you become a better leader when sharing expectations, giving firm guidance at times, and stating an unpopular, but needed, opinion is not your cup of tea? Here is an eBook and three additional approaches that will improve the impact of your leadership skills.

Be Yourself …on Steroids

Chances are, if you hesitate to speak up, or would truly prefer to be behind the scenes, you have a wonderfully well-developed Relater personality preference (don’t know what a Relater is? Complete your CORE Snapshot by clicking here at the CORE of who you are.) And while ANY personality can be a leader, each personality preference does it a bit differently. To be an effective leader, as a more laid back, empathetic, people focused Relater preference, give yourself permission to truly BE yourself and then consciously choose when there’s value in pumping up the voice, enthusiasm, or urgency a bit. The best leaders are true to themselves and consciously choose to modify their authentic nature when others need to hear the message differently. Be you and be conscious of when you might need to be amplified so that they hear you more clearly.

Ask Others for Feedback

One of the Relater preference’s gifts is the ability to get along with nearly everyone. Continue to foster and build the relationships among the team you lead by asking them for input or feedback. Share that you’re working on your own development and you’d value their perspective on, for example, how assertive you are, how clear your directions are, or how effectively you coach them. Asking for feedback does not mean you need to act on each piece of feedback, but it will help you understand how they see your actions and make leadership development decisions where appropriate.

Avoid Taking it All Personally

Relater preferences are naturally sensitive to their surroundings and everyone in them. But, before you take the actions or statements or behaviors of others personally, take an objective inventory of what you are dealing with. Give each team member the CORE Snapshot™. Armed with this knowledge, know that your Commander team members may say things in the heat of the moment and not realize they were offensive. Ask before you act on what you assume. Know that your Organizer boss may appear cold and unfriendly, but likely has a heart and simply doesn’t believe showing it at work is the right thing to do. That’s not about you. No matter the make-up of the team you lead, most organizational environments will be designed to reward those who get it done and those who get it right, instead of those who get along. What is your organizational culture? Wasn’t it that way before you became a boss? Is it really a personal attack if the system in which you work is geared toward tasks not people and ever changing? That economy didn’t change up just to wreck your day. Neither, in all likelihood will it help you to take personally, anything anyone else has to say.

Your personality is reflected in your leadership style and practice. Leadership is not ALL about your personality, but it is influenced heavily by those behaviors you believe to be an authentic part of who you are. Make the most of who you are and become that better leader by completing the Free online personality quiz: The CORE Snapshot™ and then download the eBook How Relaters Can Become Better Leaders. In it, you’ll find 25 pages of detailed guidance and direction about the behaviors of this preference and how they are able to lead even those who have completely opposite behaviors. If you are a Relater, read it from cover to cover. If you’re not, skim and review because a Relater might be leading or reporting to you.

I’m Monica Wofford and that’s your Monday Moment. Have a great week, an even better Monday, and of course, stay contagious!


Your leadership style and strengths change how you lead and are perceived by others. Find out how you lead with this quick online assessment.

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